97 Good Morning Funny Quotes and Sayings 2019

Good morning funny quotes are the funny words or sayings of different celebrities, popular people, legends and politicians etc.

Every morning is an opportunity to start a brand new day. Why don’t you start it with fun? Inspirational Good Morning Funny Quotes make you laugh as well as motivate to start your day with a happy mood.

Here you will find our best collection of motivational, humorous and inspirational old and new funny proverbs, quotes, and sayings. These quotes are especially collected from a variety of different new and old sources and gathered in alphabetical order.

Good Morning Funny Quotes and Sayings

  1. “A good husband is never the first to go to sleep at night or the last to awake in the morning.” ~Honore de Balzac

  2. “I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.” ~Winston Churchill

  3. “A morning coffee is my favorite way of starting the day, settling the nerves so that they don’t later fray.” ~Marcia Carrington

  4. “A person who has not done one-half his day’s work by ten o’clock, runs a chance of leaving the other half undone.” ~Emily Brontë

  5. “Afternoons are hard. Mornings are pure evil from the pits of hell, which is why I don’t do them anymore.” ~Rachel Caine

  6. “Angels usually show up in the morning but I have showed up now. So all you need to do is bow down a bit and wish yourself a happy morning as a sign of respect.Cheers mate!” ~Melanie Leroy’s

  7. “Do you wake up as I do, having forgotten what it is that hurts or where, until you move?” ~Jeanette Winterson

  8. “Don’t make me kill you at this hour in the morning Jimmy. It’s not civilized.” KylieScott

  9. “Early morning cheerfulness can be extremely obnoxious.” ~William Feather

  10. “Even bad coffee is better than no coffee at all.” ~David Lynch

  11. “Every morning brings new potential, but if you dwell on the misfortunes of the day before, you tend to overlook tremendous opportunities.” ~Harvey Mackay

  12. “Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” ~Robert Orben

  13. “Every morning I jump out of bed and step on a landmine. The landmine is me. After the explosion, I spent the rest of the day putting the pieces together.” ~RayBradbury

  14. “Every morning is a battle between the superego and the id, and I am a mere foot soldier with mud and a snooze button on her shield.” ~Catherynne Valente

  15. “Every single day I wake up and make up my mind that I am going to work really hard.Then my mind laughs at me and says “Good joke”. Then we laugh for some more time and I go back to bed.” ~Gehenna Toss

  16. “Everyone should experience a sunrise at least once a day.” ~Phil Dunphy

  17. “I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.” ~Mitch Hedberg

  18. “Everyone wants me to be a morning person. I could be one, only if morning began afternoon.” ~Tony Smite

  19. “Good morning is a contradiction of terms.” ~Jim Davis

  20. “I am not a morning person.” ~Laurell K. Hamilton

  21. “I feel as though whenever I create something, my Mr. Hyde wakes up in the middle of the night and starts thrashing it. I sometimes love it the next morning, but other times it is an abomination.” ~Criss Jami

  22. “I hate early mornings. But I love waking up with you.” ~Sade Andria Zabala

  23. “I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.” ~Frank Sinatra

  24. “I have a great deal of company in the house, especially in the morning when nobody calls.” ~Henry David Thoreau

  25. “I got up one morning and couldn’t find my socks, so I called Information. She said, ‘Hello, Information.’ I said, ‘I can’t find my socks.’ She said, ‘They’re behind the couch.’ And they were!” ~Steven Wright

  26. “I hate when I dream of alarm clocks going off.” ~Jarod Kintz

  27. “I have always disliked the morning, it is too responsible a time, with the daylight demanding that it be ‘faced’ and (usually when I wake for I wake late)with the sun already up and in charge of the world, with little hope of anyone usurping or challenging its authority. A shot of light in the face of a poor waking human being and another slave limbs wounded into the light-occupied territory.” ~Janet Frame

  28. “I woke up this morning, and I still don’t believe I won the Daytona 500.” ~Dale Earnhardt

  29. “I have measured out my life with coffee spoons.” ~T. S. Eliot

  30. “I have suggested to several of these eight-hour logicians that they ought to start work at ten o’clock at night, thereby allowing them to leave at six in the morning and perhaps even arrive home before it is time to get up. Some even took this for a serious suggestion. In my opinion, only bakers need to work early in the morning.” ~Timur Vermes

  31. “I love the early hours of the day. It’s a nice place to visit but I wouldn’t want to live there.” ~James Lileks

  32. “I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.” ~Lewis Black

  33. “I wake up every morning at nine and grab for the morning paper. Then I look at the obituary page. If my name is not on it, I get up.” ~Benjamin Franklin

  34. “I want to live my life in such a way that when I get out of bed in the morning, the devil says, “aw s***, he’s up!” ~Steve Maraboli

  35. “I wish I had a brush that could paint the whole sky and turn every morning in tonight.” ~Akshay Vasu

  36. “I was gonna take over the world this morning but I overslept. Postponed. Again.”~Suburban Men

  37. “I fit’s your job to eat a frog, it’s best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it’s your job to eat two frogs, it’s best to eat the biggest one first.” ~Mark Twain

  38. “If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read: ‘President Can’t Swim.’” ~Lyndon B. Johnson

  39. “In the morning I woke like a sloth in the fog.” ~Leslie Connor

  40. “It ain’t as bad as you think. It will look better in the morning.” ~Colin Powell

  41. “In these times you have to be an optimist to open your eyes when you awake in the morning.” ~Carl Sandburg

  42. “It feels like the mornings clap their hands. To make me wake.” ~Markus Zusak

  43. “I yawned and stretched luxuriously in the morning. I make noises when I stretch because it feels ten times better than stretching silently.” ~Kevin Hearne

  44. “It sounds plausible enough tonight, but wait until tomorrow. Wait for the common sense of the morning.” ~H.G. Wells

  45. “It’s a gray morning. A roll-over-and-snuggle-deeper-in-the-covers morning.” ~Kate Messner

  46. “It’s morning time already and it’s time to widen those teeny tiny eyes. Stretch those tough buff arms, wiggle that silky slinky hair and eat some salty malty fries.” ~Jessie Tower

  47. “Just in terms of allocation of time resources, religion is not very efficient.There’s a lot more I could be doing on a Sunday morning.” ~Bill Gates

  48. “Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.” ~Punit Ghadge

  49. “Lena’s hair was sticking out in about fifteen directions, and her eyes were all small and puffy from crying. So this was what girls looked like in the morning. I had never seen one, not up close.” ~Kami Garcia

  50. “It is a good morning exercise for a research scientist to discard a pet hypothesis every day before breakfast. It keeps him young.” ~Konrad Lorenz

  51. “Let the morning keep what belongs to the morning.” ~Marie Rutkoski

  52. “Life kisses our faces every morning. Yet, between morning and evening, she laughs at our sorrows.” ~Kahlil Gibran

  53. “Lose an hour in the morning and you will spend all day looking for it.” ~Richard Whately

  54. “Love is blind. Especially in the morning, because I can’t see a damn thing before having coffee.” ~Aleksandra Ninkovic

  55. “Make sure you never, never argue at night. You just lose a good night’s sleep, and you can’t settle anything until morning anyway.” ~Rose Kennedy

  56. “Men all do about the same thing when they wake up.” ~John Steinbeck

  57. “Moist groaned. It was the crack of seven and he was allergic to the concept of two seven o’clocks in one day.” ~Terry Pratchett

  58. “Morning comes whether you set the alarm or not.” ~Ursula K. Le Guin

  59. “Morning is an important time of day because how you spend your morning can often tell you what kind of day you are going to have.” ~Lemony Snicket

  60. “Morning is wonderful. Its only drawback is that it comes at such an inconvenient time of day.” ~Glen Cook

  61. “Morning not only forgives, it forgets.” ~Marty Rubin

  62. “Mornings are like almost clean slates. I say almost clean because the residue of yesterdays is sometimes stuck on them.” ~Medeia Sharif

  63. “Mornings are pure evil from the pits of hell, which is why I don’t do them anymore.” ~Rachel Caine

  64. “My father-in-law gets up at 5 o’clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don’t know why there’s this big rush to do this.” ~Jeff Foxworthy

  65. “My mother had morning sickness after I was born.” ~Rodney Dangerfield

  66. “My routine is to ride that snooze button as far as it will take me, take a quick shower, get dressed in the dark and bolt out the door.” ~Willie Geist

  67. “One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I’ll never know.” ~Groucho Marx

  68. “One of the few times in a man’s life when he is not full of s***? The morning of a colonoscopy. Enough said!” ~Jim Lawrence

  69. “She says you’re not awake until you’re actually out of bed and standing up.”~Richelle Mead

  70. “So far as I know, anything worth hearing is not usually uttered at seven o’clock in the morning; and if it is, it will generally be repeated at a more reasonable hour for a larger and more wakeful audience.” ~Moss Hart

  71. “Some mornings I just feel like breaking the damn alarm but then one thing always stops me. I paid hundreds of dollars to buy my phone.” ~Job Might

  72. “Some of those more out-there jokes were written in the wee hours of the morning.Somehow, they remained funny the next day.” ~Seth Mac Farlane

  73. “Somebody said to me this morning, ‘To what do you attribute your longevity?’ I don’t know. I mean, I couldn’t have planned my life out better. By all accounts, I should be dead! The abuse I put my body through — the drugs, the alcohol, the lifestyle I’ve lived the last 30 years!” ~Ozzy Osbourne

  74. “Sometimes I wake up and think I should start wearing a beret, but I don’t do it.” ~Mitch Hedburg

  75. “Sunrise is starting to feel like a guilt trip.” ~Kris Kidd

  76. “That’s the trouble with being me. At this point, nobody gives a damn what my problem is. I could literally have a tumor on the side of my head and they’d be like,‘Yeah, big deal. I’d eat a tumor every morning for the kinda money you’re pulling down.’” ~Jim Carrey

  77. “The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.” ~Robert Frost

  78. “The doctor has a new suggestion for you this morning. Laugh a little more in the morning for breakfast, give a beautiful smile in the afternoon. Stay far happier for dinner. What is the doctor’s fee? Think more about me.” ~SallyColeslaw

  79. “The man with the best job in the country is the vice-president. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, ‘How is the president?’” ~Will Rogers

  80. “The problem with marriage is that it ends every night after making love, and it must be rebuilt every morning before breakfast.” ~Gabriel Garcia Marquez

  81. “There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.” ~Henry David Thoreau

  82. “It seems to me that trying to live without friends is like milking a bear to get cream for your morning coffee. It is a whole lot of trouble, and then not worth much after you get it.” ~Zora Neale Hurston

  83. “There is nowhere morning does not go.” ~Leah Hager Cohen

  84. “It is only in the morning that one should marry, read unfavorable reviews, make one’s will, beat one’s servants, and so forth.” ~E.T.A. Hoffmann

  85. “There should be a rule against people trying to be funny before the sun comes up.”~Kristen Chandler

  86. “This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.” ~Rodney Dangerfield

  87. “Twinkle twinkle sleepy star, wake up now it’s the 11th hour, up above the world so high, the sun has risen in the sky.” ~Mickey Nice

  88. “Waking up this morning, I smile. 24 brand new hours are before me. I vow to live fully in each moment.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

  89. “What irritates me most of all about these morning people is their horribly good temper, as if they have been up for three hours and already conquered France.” ~Timur Vermes

  90. “When I wake up in the morning, I just can’t get started until I’ve had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I’ve tried other enemas.” ~Emo Philips

  91. “When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, ‘Did you sleep good?’ I said ‘No, I made a few mistakes.’” ~Steven Wright

  92. “When reality and your dreams collide, typically it’s just your alarm clock going off.” ~Crystal Woods

  93. “Without any friends, life is a waste, without any love, heart is almost a waste, without any story, a movie is almost a waste and without a quote from me, your morning is a waste. Have a great day!” ~Hal Fester

  94. “Work is a necessity for man. Man invented the alarm clock.” ~Pablo Picasso

  95. “You are going to read the sweetest quote of your life around 9 am in the morning from one of the most loving persons on earth. Then when you read it, smile and say that I am the best. Thanks and good morning.” ~Jericho Peters

  96. “You feel a little older in the morning. By noon I feel about 55.” ~Bob Dole

  97. “You wake up in the morning and you look at your old spoon, and you say to yourself, ‘Mick, it’s time to get yourself a new spoon.’ And you do.” ~Mick Jagger

Post Author: wishins

Hi! I am Blogger, Youtuber and running E-commerce Business as well. I am passionate enough to learn new things and gain innovative ideas and share them with the community for the betterment of society. I started the Online career as a freelancer and then started a Youtube channel. Now I launched wishins website for sharing knowledge and inspire people through motivational quotes. My mission is to educate and entertain everyone through quotes, wishes, and greetings. It will be highly appreciated if you provide me with feedback about my work and suggestions. I am always open to learning new things and improve my skills. So I can deliver in a better way. Thank you for your time. Have a nice day!

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